Texts Between Lovers Who Are Also Parents

a highly romantic abecedarian

Are you on your way home?

Btw he asked how the sperm gets to the egg and might have more questions later

Can you move the clothes to the dryer?

Don’t pick up the magnatiles—it’s some kind of frog palace

Eta tonight?

FML she puked on the carpet

Going to be late.

How late?

I love you.

Just FYI, the wet spot by the toilet is water, not pee

Kids are so weird

Love you too

Maybe we shouldn’t have given them so much syrup

Nice. The last time I tried that, he threw a Lego at my head.

OMG our toddler knows every word to Steve’s Lava Chicken. Are we bad parents?

POOPTASTROPHE!

Question: should we go on a date?

Remind me to never let them do kinetic sand in the house again

She needs Tylenol at 7:00

They found a dead caterpillar and are having a funeral for it in the yard

Um, did you know she had marshmallows in her pockets?

Very glad we’re in this together

Why is there a pair of underwear in the middle of the driveway!?

X eyes (😵😵😵)

You’re my person

Zookeepers, babe. That’s what we are

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